The Life of the Akatsuki
by HamburgerHero
Summary: The Akatsuki are lookig for the tailed beasts, but are still unsucessful. In this story, all of the Akatsuki live together in a house, the Akatsuki hideout. Members of Taka are also in this story.
1. Chapter 1

The Life of the Akatsuki

**Authors note:** Hello ppl, my name is Isorininja and I am the creator of this fic. I actually got some of the crack ideas from AJLunarWolf, so I got to give credit.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, or anything else that is ownable in this fanfic. If the Akatsuki say they own something not theirs, I don't know anything.

Chapter 1

"OMG, I'm soooo bored! It's been forever since we've seen any Jinchûriki." Deidara said. All the other Akatsuki agreed.

"That's exactly why I need you to go shopping for me, Deidara." Pein, the Akatsuki leader said.

"You're kidding right?"

"No. Besides, I thought you wanted to go to the new Super Wal-Mart?"

"Well yeah, I do want to go, but I have no money..."

"And why can't you just use your clay things to steal the shit?"

"I could do that...un..."

"Here's the list of everything we need." Pein handed Deidara the shopping list. Deidara looked over it for a moment.

"What the hell? Why the hell do we need twinkies...and bug spray? WTF?"

"Look, just go get the stuff. I'm sure Wal-Mart won't miss some of their stuff."

"Fine whatever."

"Oh, oh, can I go to?" Kisame asked.

"Thats a great idea. I'm sure Deidara will need help..."

"The hell I will!" Deidara interrupted.

"...if you run into a Jinchûriki." Pein finished.

Two hours later...

"Why the hell did they build Wal-Mart exactly two hours away from our hideout?"

"Yay, fieldtrip to Wal-Mart!"

"And why the hell...holy shit, this Wal-Mart is huge!"

"So, yeah, I'm going to the section with the video games and shit so..." Kisame said.

"Not without me you're not!" Deidara said, chasing Kisame to what we all know is called the Electronics Section.

"Wow, look at all these games!" Deidara said when they got there.

"I want all of them...except Cooking Mama. That game sucks!"

"But I wonder if Itachi would want it? He can't ever cook...un." Deidara remembered the pile of crap that was suppose to be spaghetti. They had been forced to eat it.

"Deidara, listen to you! You're talking as if video games are educational!"

"Well, some are..."

"But not Cooking Mama! I bet World of Warcraft teaches you more than Cooking Mama does!"

"And how would you know? We don't have internet, or a computer, incase you forgot that _you're_ the one who destroyed it."

"That wasn't my fault...oh whatever, lets just take a couple of these DSi things and some games."

"Okay, and how do you expect us to get past the alarms?"

"Not us. Your clay birds can fly through the doors to the outside. That way the stupid greeter doesn't suspect anything."

"Did you really think of that?"

"No, I read your fanmails and someone asked why you didn't steal from stores, then they said something like what I just said."

"I'm gonna kill you for reading my fanmail..."

"And someone called you short too."

"WHAT? What right do they have to call me short?"

"Deidara, calm down, I was just joking about the 'short' thing."

"Wait...so really you just called me short...I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"No, don't kill me! I don't want to...hey, look, it's the Nine Tails Jinchûriki kid!...And he's got the last copy of Pokémon!" Deidara looked and saw that Kisame was right, all the Pokémon games for the DS were gone...

"Get him! I want the Pokémon game!" Deidara said.

**Yeah, I know that this chapter was kinda short, but I hope you thought it was funny. OMG, Kisame loves beer...anyway, will Naruto be able to get away from the Akatsuki...'course their obviously not after the Nine Tails...unless you count the Ninetails on Pokémon...LOL!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We left off last time with:

"Get him! I want the Pokémon game!" Deidara said.

"But how are we suppose to get him with the power going out?"

"What, the power...the power's not going..." suddenly all the power in Wal-Mart goes out, "...out. Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for ten seconds?"

"No." This is Kisame's face right now 8D

Elsewhere in Wal-mart...

"Aww, damn it, now I can't read Make-Out Paradise. I guess I'll have to fix the power." As you probably already guessed, Kakashi is going to fix the power in Wal-Mart. "There's the breaker box, now..." Kakashi makes the hand signs for his Lightning Blade technique (honestly, I don't know what they are.) "Lightning Blade!" He uses the Lightning Blade on the breaker box and..."Oh shit..." Kakashi now gets electrecuted...but, hey, at least the power is back on! And Kakashi. I sent his fangirls to help him.

"ZOMG, Kakashi-chan is hurt!"

"We have to help him!"

Back to the Akatsuki...

"Hey, the power is back on!"

"Not for-"

"STFU Kisame. Hey, there goes that kid with my game...IN THE CHECKOUT LINE! Hurry, we have to stop him!...Kisame. Kisame? Hey, where the hell did you go?" Deidara sees that Kisame is running out the magical automatic sliding doors of Wal-mart...chasing a beer truck. "That figures. Oh well, I'm getting a new vid game!" Deidara goes over to Naruto. "Hey there."

Naruto turns around, you should see the look on his face, "You're one of the Akatsuki, aren't you?"

"Uh...no." Deidara puts on a fake mustache. "I'm a...video game salesman."

"Oh, ok."

"Is that game you have the last copy on the shelf?"

"Yeah, it was."

"Well, every video game thats the last game on the shelf is defective."

"Really?...Wait, what's defective mean again?"

"Um, it means...it means a rapist had the game and..."

"OMG, your saying that...that I'm a rapist? Oh no, what am I gonna do?...Wait...that must be why Sasuke left, because I'm a rapist. Noooooooooo..." Naruto runs off, dropping the video game.

"Well, that was easy. I guess I'll just take this..." He shoves the video game package into one of his clay birds...

"Hey, uhh, aren't you gonna pay for that?" The cashier person asked Deidara.

"No, of course not."

"Then, umm, I guess I have to call...uhh, who was it again?"

"Security?"

"Yeah, thats it."

"Not before I do this!" Deidara make a bird and sends it to the breaker box. A few seconds later, the power goes out. "WHAT THE F*** ALREADY!" that was Kashi, and does he sound pissed!

"Oops, looks like I'm heading for the exit." Deidara runs out the door.

**LOL, I love making anime character lives horrible. Poor Kashi, he got eletrecuted. Sry Kashi and Kashi fans, but, hey, at least you fans got to 'help' him! OK, next chap will be hilarious! Stay tuned!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Srrz 4 teh long wait, but my computer crashed and I just got this new computer...yeah. So, to make up for the long wait, I'm posting 2 new chapters. Enjoy!

Ppl told me to credit Kishimoto every chapter so I don't get in trouble, so I will.

Credit: Naruto/Akatsuki Members belong to Kishimoto. Everything else belongs to whoever owns it.

Final Note: Ok, from here on out, every chapter will be written like a play, cause it's a lot easier for me to write it.

At the Akatsuki hideout...

Tobi: "No, I won't stand for you all acting like idiots!"

Kakuzu: "Shut up Tobi."

Konan: "Yea, like, shut up."

Tobi: "Thats it, it's about time you all found out who I really am!" Tobi starts to take off his mask...

Hidan: "OMG, Beer!"

Sasori: "OMG, where did Kisame get all that beer?"

Itachi: "He probably hijacked another beer truck." BANG! "Figures."

Kisame: "Hey Tobi, have a beer!" Kisame throws a beer bottle to Tobi.

Tobi: "Wait, what?" The bottle is thrown, and it hits Tobi in the head. Tobi gets knocked out.

Hidan: "Kisame, you idiot, you knocked Tobi out!"

Kisame: "Ohh, who cares when you got...BEER!"

Zetsu: "Hey, where's Deidara?"

Kisame: "He probably got into trouble from those damn Konoha Kops. Those idiot were everywhere. Ohh, and we saw the Ninetails kid."

Pein: "And...you didn't capture him?"

Kisame: "No. Why, were we suppose to?" Pein's face turns red and Kisame is getting scared.

Deidara: "Hey, I'm back, un." Deidara comes walking in.

Pein: "Good, your just in time to join Kisame in the afterlife."

Deidara: "Wait, what? Wait, why are you made, Pein-sama? And what is that horrible smell?"

Itachi: "Kisame shit his pants."

Kisame: "I couldn't help myself! Pein is scaring me!"

Pein: "Hmm, killing you isn't as much fun as putting you through torture...ok everyone, you can all have beer...EXCEPT Kisame."

Kisame: "Noooooooo, kill me now!"

Deidara: "You know, that isn't effecting me."

Pein: "Hmm...how can I torture you?"

Tobi: "Ohhh, Tobi's head hurts...what happened? Who took all of Tobi's candy?"

Pein gets an idea.

Pein: "Deidara took all of your candy...and your cookies and ice cream!"

Deidara: "What? Tobi doesn't like any of..."

Tobi: "...Deidara-senpai, Tobi wants a cookie!"

Itachi: "ZOMG, Tobi is acting like a 4-year-old!."

Kakuzu: "So, who...NO, BAD TOBI. PUT MY MONEY DOWN!"

Zetsu: "Well, as I can see it, Tobi is now a good boy."

Kakuzu: "That's not good, he's touching my money...no, no. Bad Tobi, stop! Don't you dare..."

Tobi: "Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi rips Kakuzu's money in half.

Kakuzu: "..." Kakuzu runs off, crying.

Pein: "Deidara, I'm ordering you to take care of Tobi until he gets his memory back."

Deidara: "What? I am not taking care of him! No way!"

Pein: "Tobi, Deidara wants a hug!"

Deidara: "No, I don't."

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai thinks Tobi is a good boy? YAY! Tobi hug Deidara-senpai."

Deidara: "Keep that...that 4-year-old away from me!" Tobi is chasing Deidara around the hideout.

Tobi: "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

Deidara: "No, you're not!"

Tobi: "TOBI IS AN ANGEL!"

Deidara: "Tobi is a little devil!'

Itachi: "This is going to go on forever."

Sasori: "Well, we might as well party since we now have, like, an unlimited supply of beer."

Itachi: "Sorry, I don't drink."

Sasori: "Ohh, you don't now do you?" Sasori uses the strings from his puppets to tie Itachi up.

Itachi: "When I get out of here, I'm going to make you get murdered for the next 72 hours."

Sasori: "Sure you will." Sasori gets a bottle of beer.

Itachi: "What are you doing with that? Hey, get that away from me. No, stop! Noooooblrgh..."

Sasori: "Here, have some more!" Sasori pours about 50 bottles of beer down Itachi's throat.

Sasori: "Now who's the one who doesn't drink?"

Itachi: "Foolish little puppet. Get me more beer!"

Sasori: "Yes sir, you f***ing drunkard." Sasori unties Itachi from the puppet strings and gets him a beer.

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai loves Tobi."

Deidara: "No, I hate you!"

Pein: "OMG, I lead a bunch of idiots." Someone knocks on the hideout door.

Shino: "Hey, do you want some magical beans?"

Pein: "Will they relive my nerves?"

Shino: "Uhh, yeah, they will."

Pein: "I'll buy your whole supply...Just let me get some money."

Kakuzu: "What the hell do you want?"

Pein: "Kakuzu...Can I borrow about...500,000,000 dollars?"

Kakuzu: "What, hell no! That's my..." Pein gets another angry face. "I can't, Tobi ripped all of my money in half...I have fake Monopoly money..."

Pein: "Thx!" Pein goes back to Shino. "Here you go."

Shino: "Umm, That's a lot of money...Here, that's my whole supply." Shino gives all his drugs to Pein.

Pein: "Yay!" Glares at Shino, "You can leave now!" Pein slams the door in Shino's face.

Shino: "Wow...oh well, at least I got...MONOPOLY MONEY! Aww what the hell! Bunch of rip offs..."

Pein: "Well, I guess I can try one...Whoa...I feel...LIKE IT'S TIME TO PARTY!"

Konan: "What the hell it that?"

Pein: "It's myne, MYNE!" Pein runs off.

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai, come look what I did to the outside of the hideout!"

Deidara: "Oh God..."

Hidan: "It's Jashin damn it! JASHIN!"

Outside...

Deidara: "ZOMG, you ruined it!" There was a gaint sign that said AKATSUKI HIDEOUT...and if that wasn't bad enough, the outside was painted pink with flowers and unicorns...AND CHIBI'S OF ALL THE AKATSUKI MEMBERS HOLDING HANDS...

Tobi: "See Deidara-senpai, isn't Tobi a good boy?"

Deidara: "Umm..."

Tobi: "Tobi is an artist too! Just like Deidara-senpai!"

Deidara: "Umm, ok then, I'm going back inside now."

Tobi: "Wait, Tobi's coming too!"

A few seconds after they went inside...

Sasuke: "ZOMG, somebody get it away from me!"

Orochimaru: "Sasuke, let me rape you!"

Sasuke: "Ahhhhh! Somebody save me!" Sees the Akatsuki hideout. "I'll hide in there!" Sasuke makes a dead run for the hideout. He gets to the hideout an closes the door behind him. "Holy crap...where the f***...wait, black robes with red clouds on them..."

Pein: "Hey, glad you could make it. I..." Orochimaru enters the hideout. "ZOMG, Not you!"

Sasuke: "Keep it away from me!"

Pein: "Damn it, I kicked you out once, and you can't join again!" Pein dropkicks Orochimaru out of the hideout, "And stay out!"

Sasuke: "OMG!"

Pein: "Congratulations, you're now an official Akatsuki member! You get the grand prize of an awesome robe with red clouds on it and 50,000 dollars!"

Sasuke: "But all I did was run from that idiot..."

Pein: "Exactly, and by doing that, you became an Akatsuki."

Sasuke: "...WTF."

And what happened to Orochimaru, you ask?

Orochimaru lands in the middle of a group of Sasuke's fangirls...

Fangirls: "It's the rapist that stole Sasuke, GET HIM!"

Orochimaru is killed by Sasuke's fangirls...which I am a part of!

**Whoo, that was a lot of typing. OMG, that was hilarious the the idiot died! Yea, Sasuke never left the village on his own, he was stolen by the rapist...at least, for this fanfic that's true.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Credit: Naruto/Akatsuki Members belong to Kishimoto. Everything else belongs to whoever owns it.

Note: Each Chapter is a different day!

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai! Tobi want's a hug!"

Deidara: "Go hug Hidan!"

Tobi: "He's busy praying."

Deidara: "Then go hug...umm...Kisame."

Tobi: "He's busy hugging the beer truck."

Deidara: "Umm, how about Sasori?"

Tobi: "I can't find him."

Deidara: "Well, go find him then!"

Tobi: "Ok." Tobi goes to find Sasori, but then he sees Kakuzu instead. "Hey Kakuzu-sama, what is that?"

Kakuzu: "Umm, it's something that you shouldn't touch...ever!" Kakuzu said. "I'm going to Wal-mart to get some 'stuff''. Don't follow me and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING OF MINE!"

Tobi: "Ok." Kakuzu leaves. "Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I press one of these buttons..." Tobi presses a button. Then a piece of counterfit money comes out of the machine...

Tobi: "Ooh, I bet if I draw a picture on it, Kakuzu-sama would like it! Then he'd give me a hug!" Tobi draws on the money...

Kakuzu...

Kakuzu: "...I just need to get more paper for my counterfit money machine with this counterfit money...why the hell did i just get a bad feeling for leaving Tobi with my counterfit money machine...oh shit..."

Akatsuki hideout...

Kisame: "OMG, I love you beer truck!"

Sasuke: "Wow, these people really need some serious help..."

Itachi: "Haha, I found you..."

Sasuke: "What the hell, no way, it can't be..."

Itachi: "...my adorable little brother!"

Sasuke: "What the f***? Aren't you suppose to hate me, or something...?"

Itachi: "If hate by hugs counts, then yea!"

Sasuke: "Hate...by hugs? Ok, who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

Itachi: "What are you talking about? I am your brother, and you need a hug!"

Sasuke: "Ok, now I'm getting really freaked out..."  
Itachi: "Damn it, hug me or die...by a hug!"

Sasuke: "Uhh, yeah, I'm going to run now...far, far away..."

Itachi: "Wait, you haven't gotten a hug yet."

Tobi: "Ahhh, Tobi didn't do it, Tobi swears!" Tobi ran from Kakuzu's room to Deidara's.  
Kakuzu: "Alright Tobi, what'd you do this time...holy shit! That's a lot of money...wait, why is there weird little drawings on it...TOBI! YOU'RE A DEAD 4-YEAR-OLD!"

Zetsu: "Haha, complete blackmail."

Later...

Tobi: "Yay, Tobi is going to learn art from Deidara-senpai!"

Deidara: "Yes, yes you are. Ok, we'll start with drawing a circle." Deidara draws a half circle, half oval on a piece of paper he had. He shows the paper to Tobi, "See, now you try." Deidara waits, listening as he hears a lot of erasing coming from the pencil Tobi was using to draw with. "Tobi, you know it doesn't have to be..."

Tobi: "Done, Deidara-senpai!" Tobi holds up his paper and shows Deidara his paper. It was a perfect circle.

Deidara: "What, how, where...do it again, and show me how you drew it!"

Tobi: "Well, I start with drawing Itachi-sama's hair, then his eyes, and I add in everything else," Deidara watched as Tobi drew a perfect sketch of Itachi out of his head, "And then I erase everything I drew until all that's left is a circle." Tobi erases the picture, leaving behind a perfect circle.

Deidara: "Uhh, umm...un...

Tobi: "Is it good, Deidara-senpai?"

Deidara: What was he suppose to say? It was better than his own art, making him jealous, but Kakuzu told him to keep Tobi occupied if he didn't want to die... "Uhh, no Tobi...you need more practice...lets try making clay sculptures."

Tobi: "Ooh, clay sculptures! Hooray, fun!" Notice how he didn't pay attention to the negative part of what Deidara said...LOL, Tobi is crazy!

Deidara: "Ok, we'll start with making..."

Pein: "Ohhhh Tobi, I got you a cookie maker!"

Tobi: "Yay, cookie maker!"

Kakuzu: "Noooooo, my money!"

Deidara: "Tobi, what about learning art?"

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai help Tobi make cookies!"

Deidara: "What? But I..."

Tobi: "Yay, cookies!"

In the kitchen...

Tobi: "Ok, it says to rollout the cookies...ohh, I know!" Tobi grabs Deidara's hand.

Deidara: "Uhh, what are you doing Tobi?"

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai is going to make cookies!"

Deidara: "No, I'm not, un. You're smart enough to make them yourself." Deidara pulls his hand away from Tobi.

Tobi: "Deidara-senpai! Help Tobi make cookies!"

Deidara: "Uhh, why me...un..."

Elsewhere in the hideout...

Hidan: "Hah hah hah!"

Sasuke: "What the hell?" Peeks into Hidan's room, "What are you doing?"

Hidan: "Hah, I'm so happy!"

Sasuke: "Why?"

Hidan: "Because Jashin has been good to me and has let me summon stuff out of a portal! Wanna see?"

Sasuke: "Umm, I guess..."

Hidan: "Ultimate portal opening/summon thing..."

Sasuke: "That's the best name you could come up with?"

Hidan: "Shut up! At least it works! I don't see you being able to open portals!" (The circle with the triangle thing that Hidan draws on the ground with his foot is the portal) "Summon something..." Before Hidan could finish, the 'portal' starts glowing. Then Orochimaru comes out of the portal.

Sasuke: "Ahhh! Snake! I hate snakes, I hate them! Especially _that_ snake!" Sasuke grabs Hidan's sword and beats Orochimaru back into the portal.

Hidan: "Thx 2 Jashin! You saved us!"

Sasuke: "But I'm not..."

Hidan: "You are Jashin! Sasuke is Jashin!"

Sasuke: "...? Umm..." Thinking to self- Wait, this could be a good thing... "...yeah, sure."

Kakuzu: "That portal might be useful to get more money..." XD


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Credit: Naruto/Akatsuki Members belong to Kishimoto. Everything else belongs to whoever owns it.

Pein: "I have gathered you all here..."

Tobi: "Me too?"

Deidara: "Tobi, hush."

Pein: "...to tell you all that we're going on a vacation."

Hidan: "And where are we getting the money?"

Pein: "Kakuzu, give me all your money."

Kakuzu: "No, I'm sick of giving you low-lifes my money!"

Pein: "Tobi."

Tobi: "Kakuzu-sama likes money on fire!"

Kakuzu: "Nooooo. Fine, here's 15,000."

Pein: "I love it when I get my way."

Kisame: "Ba da ba ba ba!"

Itachi: "Kisame, that's the McDonald's theme."

Kisame: "Ohh man, and I was so close too..."

Sasori: "So, how are we getting there?"

Pein: "We're taking Kisame's beer truck!"

Zetsu: "And where exactly are we going?"

Pein: "To New Jersey!"

Everyone except Tobi, who's raiding the cookie jar, and Pein, who is smiling like a dork: "..."

Konan: "WHERE THE HELL IS THAT?"

Pein: "It's in a different dimention, in a country called USA. It's the 'Garden' State."

Same as three lines above: "..."

Pein: "Okay everyone, get your stuff packed for the vay-cay!"

Later...

Sasori: "So, we're suppose to share a suitcase..."

Deidara: "Yeah, I guess so. Just don't pack it with all your useless puppets."

Sasori: "Useless...ohh, well, make sure you don't fill the suitcase with your dumb clay animals."

Deidara: "Don't worry, I won't...HEY, MY ART IS NOT DUMB!"

Sasori: "AND MY PUPPETS AREN'T USELESS!"

Deidara: "THEY'RE JUST AS USELESS AS YOU!"

Sasori: "AND YOUR CLAY-BULLSHIT IS JUST AS DUMB AS YOU!"

Deidara: "OHH, AND THAT'S WHY YOU WERE PWNED BY AN OLD HAG AND A LITTLE GIRL! AND THAT OLD HAG JUST HAPPENED TO BE YOUR OWN GRANDMA!"

Sasori: "...YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Sasori runs out of the room, and then runs into Tobi.

Tobi: "Sasori-sama, why are you so sad?"

Sasori: "'Cause Deidara is a..." What could he possibly say to someone who has the mind of a 4-year-old?

Tobi: "An asshole? Deidara-senpai? Why?"

Sasori: "How am I suppose to know?" Yeah, he's shocked that Tobi knows colorful vocabulary, i'm just to lazy to type it out. XD

Tobi: "Maybe Deidara-senpai just needs a cookie."

Sasori: "Umm, yeah, maybe." Thinking to self, Where's my cookie? I deserve a cookie more than that bastrd Deidara!

In another room...

Kakuzu: "Well, my suitcase is packed."

Hidan: "Packed with what, money?"

Kakuzu: "Well, duh, of course!"

Hidan: "Where the hell do you keep getting that shit from?"

Kakuzu: Your mom's hidden bank account...heh heh heh.

Hidan: No, not my mommy's bank account! Kakuzu no swiping!

Kakuzu: Oh man...

Later...

Pein: Is everyone here?

Hidan: Obviously.

Sasori: Wait, where's To-

Deidara: Tobi said he didn't want to come...you know how he can be a moody little b**** sometimes...

In the Bathroom...

Tobi: I can't wait for Deidara-senpai to find me. Hide and Seek is so much fun. But I wonder why he locked the door?

Back with the other Akatsuki members...

Pein: Okay then. You will now be assigned a buddy!

Sasori: what?

Pein: Itachi and Kisame will be buddies...

Itachi: Figures...

Kisame: Yea!

Pein: Hidan and Kakuzu...

Kakuzu: Of course I'm stuck with the religious freak. Well, at least I still got my money...

Hidan: WHAT THE F***! How dare you call Jashin a freak!

Kakuzu: Shut up.

Pein: Deidara and Sasori...

Deidara: Well, at least it isn't Tobi...

Sasori: That's probably the only thing I'll ever agree with you on...

Pein: Zetsu and Tobi...

Zestu: What? Why can't we have someone cool, like Sasori?

Deidara: Because I'm suppose to be Sasori's 'buddy'.

Zetsu: But we want to be Sasori's 'buddy'.

Deidara: You got Tobi. (Grabs one of Sasori's arms).

Sasori: What the hell are you doing, brat?

Zetsu: We don't want Tobi (Grabs Sasori's other arm).

Sasori: Hey, cut it out!

Deidara: Sasori is stuck with me!

Zetsu: We want Sasori!

Deidara: You have Tobi!

Zetsu: You have Tobi!

Deidara: No, you have Tobi!

Zetsu: No, you have Tobi!

Pein: Anyways...Sasuke doesn't get a buddy...

Everyone except for Pein, Konan, and of course Sasuke, turn to look at Sasuke, and everyone is pretty pissed...also with the exception of Itachi, who doesn't care. Oh, and Kisame is just playing along with the whole thing.

Hidan: Why the f*** doesn't he get buddy? Everyone else is f***ing stuck with someone, why don't you just stick him with Konan?

Pein: 'Cause Konan is MYNE!

Konan: I don't belong to you, you know.

Pein: You do now!

Konan slaps Pein

Pein: Owie!

Tobi: Deidara-senpai, why didn't you find Tobi?

Deidara: How the hell did you get out of the bathroom?

Tobi: I unlocked the door from the inside. Why?

Deidara facepalms himself  
Sasori: Deidara, a little help (Sasori's body has been pulled apart)

Kakuzu: I'll help you.

Sasori: Uhh, thanks.

Kakuzu picks up Sasori's body part and puts them in a box.

Sasori: What are you doing?

Kakuzu: I'm going to sell all of this on e-bay...to fangirls!  
Sasori: Oh f*** you Kakuzu! (Kakuzu runs off with all of Sasori's body parts, leaving his head on the ground).

Hidan: Look, a sacrafice to Jashin!

Sasori: I'm not...someone help me!

Deidara: Well, I guess I'd better save Danna...OMG, Hidan look, it's Jashin!

Hidan: Where?

Deidara saves Sasori while Hidan looks for Jashin.

Sasori: What the hell? Why did you save me?

Deidara: So I don't get stuck with Tobi. XD

Sasori: I knew you were selfish, brat.

Deidara: Believe me, you'll thank me later.

Isorininja: Now it's time for Extra Randomness!

Hidan: fuck! fuck! Fuck! FUCK!

(Sasori just happens to walk by)

Sasori: Hey...whats wrong with you?

Hidan: My fucking ITunes won't open! And when it does, theres no fucking sound!

Sasori: ...let me see that...

(30 minutes later...)

Sasori: well i finally found the problem and fixed it...

Hidan: Good, now i can finally...

Tobi: Tobi knows how to fix the problem!

Sasori and Hidan: NOOOO!

Tobi presses control alt delete...

...and Hidan's computer shorts out and bursts into flames...

Sasori: ...wow...your god must hate you...

Hidan: NOOOO! WHY JASHIN!

**Yea, totally messed up, right? Bet you can't wait for the next chapter. Guess what it's about...I'm not telling! LOL**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Credit: Naruto/Akatsuki Members belong to Kishimoto. Everything else belongs to whoever owns it.

Note: Pein is no longer on crack...for now...

(On the bus that they're taking to New Jersey)

Deidara: Take that Tobi! Your Bidoof is no match for my Ninetails!

Tobi: NO! Tobi lost!

Deidara: Ha, I told you that you couldn't beat me.

Sasori: Hey Deidara, how many more of those DS things do you have? (Yes, Sasori has spare body parts, in case you were wondering, so he's back!)

Deidara: Enough for everyone, why?

Later...

(Everyone is now locked in THE ULTIMATE POKEMON BATTLE TOURNAMENT OF DOOM!)

Here's whos up against who:

Deidara vs. Tobi

Hidan vs. Kakuzu

Zetsu vs. Sasori

Itachi vs. Kisame

Pein vs. Konan

...and Sasuke is waiting to battle either Deidara or Tobi (whoever wins)

...Yea, basically this is setup the same way as the buddy system from last chapter.

Pein vs. Konan...

Pein: Ha Konan, my Mudkip will destroy you!

Konan: You just think that. Oh, by the way, whose driving the bus?

Pein: Some Random person who I paid using Kakuzu's money.

Kakuzu (from somewhere on the bus): Did someone say money?

Pein: No Kakuzu.

Konan: oh well. Are you ready to be destroyed?

Pein: You can't beat my awesome Mudkip.

(Konan sends out a Giratina, hacked so it's level ∞)

Konan: And now, I use Shadow Force on your Mudkip.

(Pein's Mudkip gets pwnd)

Konan: Bye Bye.

Pein's face 8O

Deidara vs. Tobi...

Tobi: No, Tobi lost again!

Deidara: I told you that your pokemon are too weak!

Tobi: No! Tobi shouldn't lose twice! Tobi is suppose to be a good boy!

Deidara: Uh, yeah, sure, whatever, un.

Hidan vs. Kakuzu...

Kakuzu: I win. Now give me my money.

Hidan: No f***ing way! This game is a f***ing piece of shit! It's so totally f***ing rigged! (Hidan throws the DS out the window)

Kakuzu: No, you moron! I could have sold that for money!

Itachi vs. Kisame...

Itachi: Kisame, your pokemon lacks hatred. And experience.

Kisame: O rely?

Kisame uses Surf on Itachi's Arcanine.

Itachi: Oh my Godz, like Nooooooouuuuuuuz!

Zetsu vs. Sasori...

Sasori, Thinking to self: Okay, why hasn't Zetsu made a move yet?

Zetsu, thinking to selves:

White half: That Pokemon looks good.

Black half: Maybe we should eat it.

White half: But it's not real!

Black half: Just eat it anyway.

Zetsu eats the DS

Sasori:...

Zetsu: Om Nom!

Sasori: I guess that makes me winner by default.

Zetsu: What?

Sasori: You were suppose to play the game.

Zetsu (Black half): But I thought Pokemon was a food!

White half: No! Pokemon is a game that has characters that look like food, like Bellossom!

Black half: Bellossom is a plant. We eat people!

White half: No, we eat plants!

Black half: People!

White half: Plants!

Deidara vs. Sasuke...

Deidara's Pokemon-Baltoy

Sasuke's Pokemon-Pikachu

Deidara: Haha, I'm gonna win cause I have the advantage!

Sasuke: Yeah, sure. Anyways...(Sasuke commands his Pikachu to use Thunder. Deidara's Baltoy is destroyed...hey, that kinda rhymed!)

Deidara:...HOW THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT? ELECTRIC TYPES CAN'T EFFECT GROUND TYPES? HOW THE HELL DID MY BALTOY GET DESTROYED?

Sasuke: I told you that you couldn't beat me.

Deidara: You cheater. You hacked the game!

Sasuke: So?

Deidara: You may have won for now, but I will destroy you.

And here are the results for THE ULTIMATE POKEMON BATTLE TOURNAMENT OF DOOM!

Pein vs. Konan...

Konan wins

Tobi vs. Deidara...

Deidara wins

Hidan vs. Kakuzu...

Kakuzu wins

Itachi vs. Kisame...

Kisame wins

Sasori vs. Zetsu...

Sasori wins by default

Deidara vs. Sasuke...

Sasuke wins

Deidara: By cheating, the stupid cheater!

**Okay, wow, pretty crazy, right? I bet you can't wait to see how it ends!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Credit: Naruto/Akatsuki Members belong to Kishimoto. Everything else belongs to whoever owns it.

Last time...

...Shikamaru got killed by Hidan's fangirls, which ended up turning into a Hidan's fangirls vs. Shikamaru's fangirls war...

...All of Zetsu's flowers died of hypothermia...

...Sasuke's fangirls are seaching for him, but are failing to find him...

...Suigetsu got Samehada by breaking into the Akatsuki hideout and stealing it...

...and Naruto is also trying to find Sasuke, telling everyone that Sasuke is his 'friend'.

...actually, this is what really happened...with the Akatsuki...

And here are the results for THE ULTIMATE POKEMON BATTLE TOURNAMENT OF DOOM!

Pein vs. Konan...

Konan wins

Tobi vs. Deidara...

Deidara wins

Hidan vs. Kakuzu...

Kakuzu wins

Itachi vs. Kisame...

Kisame wins

Sasori vs. Zetsu...

Sasori wins by default

Deidara vs. Sasuke...

Sasuke wins

Deidara: By cheating, the stupid cheater!

Now, onto the story...

Pein: Even though I lost, I still have to referee this stupid tournament. So, now that the first round is over, we'll proceed to the second round...

Zetsu(Black half): What are you doing?

Zetsu(White half): Eating salad! Its good...

Zetsu(Black half): NO! you cant do that! your a cannable if you do!

Zetsu(White half): No, your a cannable if you eat people! Thats why eating people is wrong!

Zetsu(Black half): We're people you idiot!

Zetsu(White half): No we're not, where plant!

Zetsu(Black half): People, and stop eating the salad you cannable!

Zetsu(White half): Then you stop eating meat!

Zetsu(Black half): Vegitarian weirdo!

Zetsu(White half): Meatatarian freak!

Zetsu(Black half): Meatatarian isnt even a word!

Zetsu(White half): How would you know? Your always stuffing your face...

Zetsu(Black half): STFU!

(Zetsu dosn't realize by now that many people are watching him have an argument with himself)

Pein:...Okay then. In the second round, Kisame vs. Sasori, Kakuzu vs. Konan, and Sasuke will battle whoever wins between Kisame and Sasori.

Random person driving bus: Who wants Mcdonalds?

All the Akasuki: I DO!

Pein: Why did you stop at Mcdonalds?

Random person driving bus: You told me to stop at the nearest resturant.

Pein: This isn't a restaurant, it's...

Pein gets trampled by all the other Akatsuki members who are going to Mcdonalds.

Pein: Ow...

Random person driving bus: Oh, by the way, my name is Jack Sparrow.

Pein:...You've got to be kidding me.

Inside Mcdonalds (Which I do not own at all)...

Tobi: Hmmm, Tobi wants...two chocolate milkshakes, three chocolate chip cookies, oneOreo Mcflurrie and one M&M Mcflurrie.

Deidara: You are NOT sitting next to me on the bus.

Tobi: Tobi's a good boy. Does Senpai need a hug?

Deidara: No.

Tobi: Yes!

Deidara: No.

Tobi: Yes!

Deidara: No!

Tobi: Yes!

Deidara: No!

Tobi: Yes! :D

And in the background, Sasori was walking away from the counter with five chocolate milkshakes, seven chocolate chip cookies, two Oreo Mcflurries and two M&M Mcflurries.

...oh shit, sugar + Sasori = puppet on a sugarhigh...

And Deidara though that it was gonna be bad being stuck with a Tobi on a sugarhigh.

**LOL, I can just imagine Sasori on a sugarhigh. And now I've gotta update my credits list...all Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto, McDonalds belongs to whoever owns it, Wal-mart belongs to whoever owns it, umm, Jack Sparrow belongs to Walt Disney stuff, Pokemon belongs to Nintendo, Nintendo DS belongs to Nintendo, ITunes belongs to the ITunes people, That Dora the Explorer saying I used in chapter 5 belongs to the Dora the Explorer people, the random bathroom that Tobi is stuck in in the same chapter belongs to the SHBP (Secret Hidden Bathroom People), USA belongs to...the Americans I guess, Monopoly belongs to...Parker brothers, I think, Make-Out Paradise belongs to Kakashi, and Jashin belongs to Hidan. Oh, and Tobi belongs to Tobi!**

**Pein: And Konan belongs to me!**

**Konan slaps Pein.**

**Pein: Owww...**

**And I needs more reviews so, plz review :3**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

On teh beer bus...

Sasori: Deidara! Deidara!

Deidara: What, hmm?

Sasori: Guess what!

Deidara: What?

Sasori: Guess!

Deidara: You've just killed you're grandma?

Sasori: Better!

Deidara: You've just killed Tobi? :D

Sasori: Better than that!

Deidara: What? What the hell is better than killing Tobi?

Sasori: I like puppets!

Deidara: what the f***.

Pein: Is everyone ready to start Round 2 of THE ULTIMATE POKEMON BATTLE TOURNAMENT OF DOOM! To remind everyone, Kisame vs. Sasori, Kakuzu vs. Konan, and Sasuke will battle whoever wins between Kisame and Sasori.

Kisame: So I'm against Sasori. This should be easy, since he's on a sugarhigh...

Sasori: So, if I win, I can has fishy?

Pein: Yeah, sure whatever.

Sasori vs. Kisame...

Sasori: I'll use my level 100 Palkia!

Kisame: Where the hell did you get that?

Sasori: Some person called Kasumi* traded it to me over Wi-Fi for my level 100 Banette!

*Kasumi=my OC...

Deidara: He really gave up a puppet pokemon for a not-puppet pokemon. Wow.

Sasori: Palkia! Use Sheer Cold!

Kisame: How the hell does that thing know that?

Kisame gets pwned...

Sasori: Nao I can has fishy!

Kisame: What? Deidara, tell him he can't!

Deidara: This is gonna be hilarious!

Kisame: Itachi! Help me out here!

Itachi: You lack hatred so I don't care.

Kisame: Wh-what...ohhh...

**...Yes, Kisame is sad. And by the way, in this fanfic, there is a one-way yaoi between Itachi and Kisame. Anyway, back to the tournament...**

Sasori: Yay, I won! Deidara, I won!

Deidara: He's just as annoying as Tobi now...hmm...

Pein: Now we will move on to...Kakuzu vs. Konan...

Konan: Ready for me to kick your ass?

Hidan: Ha ha, you're gonna get pwned!

Kakuzu: Thanks for the support, idiot.

Kakuzu vs. Konan...

Konan: Ha, I'll beat you like I beat Pein...

Pein: That wasn't funny!

Konan:...And I'll use my Giratina again.

Konan sends out her Giratina. Kakuzu has a Meowth...and you're thinking, how's that gonna work?

Konan: And now, my Giratina, use Draco Meteor.

...and we all know how this is going to end...

Kakuzu: Oh sh-...

Pein:...And, Kakuzu loses...okay, now we move onto the finals...

Sasuke: Hey, what about me?

Deidara: You can't go because you cheated!

Sasuke: You're just jealous because I have an awesome brother that can hack my game for me.

Deidara: I knew it, you f***ing cheater!

Pein:...anyway, I meant to say lets move onto the _semi_finals, where it's Sasuke vs. Sasori.

Tobi: Tobi likes candy!

Pein:...Nobody cares. Okay, now we're moving onto-

Tobi: Tobi also likes cake!

Pein:...That's nice. Anyways, back to what I was saying, now we're mov-

Tobi: TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!

Pein: Damn it. Shut up Tobi!

Tobi:...Wahhhhhhhh! Tobi got yelled at!

Pein: Argh...okay, don't cry Tobi.

Tobi: Wahhhhhhhhh!

Pein: Come on don't cr-

Tobi: WAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Pein: TOBI. SHUT UP!

Konan: Hey, don't be so mean. He's just a kid.

Sasori: Hey, Tobi, want some candy?

Tobi: (stops crying) *sniffle* Re-really?

Sasori: Yeah.

Tobi:...So, Tobi's a good boy, right senpai?

Deidara: Yeah, whatever.

Tobi:...Yay, Tobi's a good boy!

Pein:...Can we please get back to the Tournament now? Now, we're moving onto the semifinals.

Sasori vs. Sasuke...

Deidara: Sasori, don't lose to him. He's an Uchiha, un!

Itachi: (turns and looks menacingly at Deidara) And whats wrong with Uchihas?

Deidara: Well, duh, they obviously, I don't know, fail at everything!

Itachi: Are you trying to insult my brother?

Deidara: Yeah, because he sucks! punches Itachi.

Itachi: Oh no you didn't! Kicks Deidara.

Deidara: Oh hell no! Itachi and Deidara start beating the crap out of each other.

Sasuke: And I thought he wanted peace.

Kisame: Hooray, fighting! Kisame takes his Samehada and ends up cutting half of the beer bus off.

Hidan: Kisame, you f***ing idiot, you've just cut off the half of the bus with our with our stuff on it.

Kakuzu: No, my money!

**Yeah, I know. Messed up. Anyway, plz review!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Okay, I know it took forever to update, and I'm sure you all know why...enough said, just read the chapter.

Because I'm really lazy and I haven't exactly had that much time, I'm gonna just say that the THE ULTIMATE POKEMON BATTLE TOURNAMENT OF DOOM ended in a draw between Sasuke and Sasori. I don't know how, it just did. Also, nobody won in th fight between Itachi and Deidara either. I'm gonna get even lazier and say that the Akatsuki are now in New Jersey, which, in case you didn't know or don't remember, is where they're vacationing. Oh, and the bus somehow got magically repaired (with Kakuzu's money, of course).

Tobi: Leader-sama, Are we there yet?

Pein: No Tobi.

Tobi: Are we there now?

Pein: No.

Tobi: How about now?

Pein: No.

Tobi: Are we there now? How about now? Now? How about now? Are we there now?

Pein: No. No. No. No. And no.

And then the Akatsuki hear this...

I feel irrational  
So confrontational  
To tell the truth I am  
getting away with murder  
it isn't possible  
to ever tell the truth  
but the reality is I'm getting away with murder

(These are the lyrics the chorus of the song Getting Away With Murder by Papa Roach incase you didn't know. I obviously don't own these lyrics or the song.)

Pein: Where the hell is that coming from?

Looks at Deidara.

Deidara: It's not me, un.

Pein looks around for Sasori...who isn't actually seen because he's sleeping in one of the seats, so Pein then looks at Hidan, whose too busy performing one of his rituals to even notice the music. Pein looks at Kisame.

Kisame: I don't even own a music player.

Pein looks at Zetsu, who is attempting the eat one of the seats on the bus. Then he looks at Kakuzu, whois busy counting whats left of his money. Kakuzu, in turn, who feels he's being watched, looks at Pein.

Kakuzu: I think music players cost too much.

Hidan: That's cause your cheap, you fucking asshole!

Pein doesn't even bother looking at Tobi because Tobi wouldn't even listen to music like that, so he looks at Itachi...

...who is looking at Konan with a horrified look.

Pein: Konan, are you the one listen to that?

Konan: Yeah, what about it?

Pein: O.o

Pein is very scared now.

Later...in a random restaurant cause I'm random...

Hidan: Yes, this restuarant has a telephone! Now I can call Jashin!

Sasori: He can call his god?

Hidan runs off to the telephone.

Pein: I guess we should get a table while we wait for him.

Back with Hidan...

Hidan: Hello? Is this Jashin?

Anko: Who the hell is this? Why the hell are you interrupting my dango time?

Hidan: Fuck you!

Anko: Fuck you!

Hidan: I said fuck you first so fuck you! (Hidan hangs up the phone) Damn it, I got the wrong number.

With the other Akatsuki members...

Sasori: Really? They had to use three tables to seat all of us?

Deidara: Well, at least we're not stuck with...

Tobi: Hi Senpai. Leader-sama told me to sit with you guys.

Deidara:...Tobi.

...

Hidan: Hello? Is this Jashin?

Pedo: I'm going to rape you!

Hidan: Oh my Jashin! (Hangs up the phone) I think I almost died. Well, I guess I'll try again. (Dials number) Hello?

Pein: Hello?

Hidan: Gah! Leader-sama?

Pein: Hidan, hang up the phone.

Hidan: (gets an idea) Hey leader-sama. You're refrigerator's running. You'd better go catch it.

Pein:...if that was suppose to be any sort of attempt at a prank call, which I know it wasn't, you failed at it miserably.

Hidan: Ohhhhhh. (Hangs up the phone) Damn it. Why can't I call Jashin? (Dials number again) Hello?

911: Hello? Who's this?

Hidan: Is this Jashin?

911: Sir, are you all right? Do you need help?

Hidan: Holy fucking crap, I think it's Jashin!

911: Sir, please tell us you're location and we'll send an ambulance.

Hidan: Wait, what? Ambulance? Why the fuck do I need an ambulance? I'm not fucking injured, you fucking assholes. (Hangs up) That's it. I give up.

...

Pein: Ooh, a lemon. Hey Konan. (Holds it up to Konan) Lemon!

Konan slaps Pein

Pein: Ow, Pein is in pain...

Later...as the Akatsuki are now leaving the restuarant...

(Btw, all the stuff with the other Akatsuki members happened while Hidan was 'attempting' to call his god.)

Kisame: Kakuzu, what are you doing?

Kakuzu: Saving us money!

Kisame: By stealing the breadsticks?

Kakuzu: Of course! After all, they're free!

Kisame does a facepalm.

Hidan: Hey, Kakuzu. I finally called Jashin.

Kakuzu: I don't care.

Hidan: Wait, why's everyone leaving?

Kisame: Cause we already ate.

Hidan: What? Oh, what the fuck.

**Very random. And yes, in case you were wondering, Hidan never got to eat. Plz review.**


End file.
